[chm]

I agree with your last paragraph except for one point. Libido can and does change, but it's (from my experience) not controllable. OTOH, you can work on your communication skills, or even convince someone that, e.g. spending more money on trips than on clothing is better (i.e. influence one's values). Not even great communication between partners will fix a libido mismatch, it's not something that can be rationalized.