[cmollis]

That's a pretty insightful article. I wish I had that 20 years ago when I met my future ex-wife. Let's review my list:

1. we don't understand ourselves. (check.. plus). At least not then. 2. we don't understand other people. (check). I interpreted them as what I wanted them to be, not as they were. Note: all the little foibles and peccadilloes will add up. 3. we aren't used to being happy. (check). I was driven then and had been for so long. Suffering to me was success so being with an extremely difficult person was actually 'comfortable'.. or at least familiar. 4. being single is so awful. (no check). Being single was great then and now. (but it's harder with three kids..) Looking back, I was single living in NY..and have absolutely no idea why I got married... But this leads to.. 5. Instinct has too much Prestige. (CHECK CHECK). Love this line (and maybe I'm just too stupid to really know what it means), but I interpret it as 'I know what's right' (ostensibly). I really thought I knew what I was doing.. I was always such a know-it-all, did absolutely no homework on what really binds two people together and.. there you go.

[nicolas_t]

Pretty much the same for me... I met my soon to be ex-wife 10 years ago, I was young, didn't know and understand myself. I've known that things weren't really right for already 6 years but I've tried to somehow change myself and her to improve things. Important to impose a time limit on that and you don't change the quirks of another person.

Now I know that I went into it too quickly, that our quirks do not match and that while I think she would be the perfect wife to someone else, she's not it for me.

[nugget]

How long were you married for and what was the final nail in the coffin?

It seems like there's never been a better time to be single, especially if you're living in one of the major cities. I have a lot of friends who say the same thing you said, having ''no idea'' why they got married; and when they say it they look truly befuddled as if they just woke up one day and accidentally found themselves in such a state.

[cmollis]

I was married 15 years total.. the final nail was probably in the 10th year, I would say. In truth, having 'no idea' is wrong.. it's just that I had the wrong idea;).