[meric]

I think "offence" is required to build human relationships. I find myself say something in a joking manner to my best friend that would be offensive to anyone else. In a way I think it's a test - you test if the relationship is strong enough to withstand the offence, and if the friend gives the appropriate response to show you he in fact did not get offended, the relationship is affirmed and becomes stronger. Here's an example on a phone call to my friend, who is engaged, on Valentine's night.

Me: "whatcha doing?"

Him: "eating dinner"

Me: "With two girls? You fox"

Him: "haha, parents"

Me: "Wish them a sexy valentine's day in bed for me"

Him: "Haha you fuck."

Then we both laugh.

And then there are times, when I probe potential new friends with the less intense, but same kind of speech, and they take it seriously, and that's a "test failure" meaning a confirmation it'll be difficult to build a relationship with them. Of course, sometimes it works, and I make a new friend.

[grahamburger]

Ah, now this is interesting. I can see that I often fail friendship tests such as yours. I don't actually tend to take things seriously, but I'm particularly bad at showing that I'm not taking something seriously. Or so I've been told, though I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing wrong. Fortunately I have an amazing wife and a few good friends, so making new ones isn't particularly important to me. Which I guess is likely part of the problem. Anyway - I hope your parents Valentine's day was unique and experimental.

[meric]

You're doing fine. I think there's need to be potential for friendship in the first place. If one person don't get the other's humour or the other person don't get the response, I think it could be because there's not enough shared experience or shared perspectives for the two people involved, and that's that. There's nothing you need to do - the kind of person you are, will likely be friends with, the kind of people, your kind of person tends to be friends with, so enjoy. :)

[smcnally]

understood. though, there are different rules of engagement for potential friends and a bunch of mostly random people with whom you're playing a game. Still, agreed, there may be place for offense. And offense can enter even without an invitation.