| HN Mirror

I know you didn't ask me, but I'd like to share my experience with meditation because it's been so helpful to me and my particular challenges. I've been meditating semi-regularly for about a year now, usually every day for a long while and then generally short periods of no meditation at all.

To give some context: I'm currently dealing with the effects of what in hindsight was a slowly ramping up 'social burnout' that has left me with quite a bit of social anxiety, general anxiety, and somewhat unstructured lifestyle where I can easily spend days doing 'whatever I want' (freelancer with savings). I also at some point developed dependence on alcohol and weed, although that's been relatively easy to deal with when I keep my life simple and calm.

On top of that I've just been diagnosed with (mild) autism - the asperger's variety - although I suspect that I might not have been diagnosed as such without the anxious, stressful and unstructured life that I've been leading these past years. Too early to tell though.

I can have immense trouble concentrating on something, especially when there's some 'problem' in my life, and I have to all but give up on being productive if this problem is of the social kind. My mind just cannot keep from going back to it, analyze it, take it apart, and so on.

It can be ridiculously difficult for me to leave the house, eat food, get enough sleep, or do simple things like laundry or take a shower. Without external prompts, I just sort of sit around reading, play games, follow some obsession, worry, 'monologue' to myself, stop eating, and avoid social contact. This eventually turns my thoughts and behavior darker, if I let it continue.

On the other hand, it can also be ridiculously difficult for me to stop and take a rest when I'm in 'meet my one deadline' mode, or actively busy with things. I decide to do all the things at once and don't realize I'm in over my head until it's too late.

Balance is clearly not my talent, and, as is perhaps typical of those on the 'spectrum', I have trouble switching gears. It's like my mind controls like a big-ass tanker ship, while others are more like cars or trucks.

I still struggle with these things. And getting, if anything, has made it more difficult. Things are a bit quiet overall, but it takes me even more effort to snap out of things, to stop overanalyzing, to switch gears. I suppose that's what happens when you do a thing for so long.

Some things have helped a bit, like prioritizing 'simple' things like getting healthy food in me, going for walks/general exercise, taking in more sunlight, and setting small goals for myself. I've become more 'tactical' in the challenges I take on, as being only 'strategic' is not practical enough.

But the one thing that has, across the board, been most effective, is meditation. I meditate for about 20 minutes, and it's like rebooting my system. The effects are smaller when I keep getting distracted, which is frequently, but they're still huge in comparison to anything else I can do (nap, walk, read, etc.).

Sometimes I have a headache, and brief session makes it disappear. Sometimes I can't snap out of a social conflict I'm analyzing while I should really do some work that I've been putting off for days already, but after a brief session (which I'd also been putting off) I just sit down and start, which is more than half the battle.

Meditation has helped me eat better, because after a session I am suddenly aware of the hunger, and I have the peace to let myself make some food. It's helped me sleep better by quieting down a reeling mind that would usually keep me up for hours. It's helped me deal slightly better with conflicts, introspective 'insights', depressive days, and moods by reminding me to not take it all to seriously, and giving me some perspective (through absence of obsessive thought drowning everything else out).

Hell, if it's late afternoon and I have no energy to spare (quite common), a quick session gives me an energy boost and allows me to use the rest of my day (whether it's actual relaxation or work).

The form of meditation I do is mostly the zen variety, which is the form that is probably the most popular (mindfulness). It's really just sitting and the only 'effort' is to not go after every thought that tries to pull you with it, but rather observe that thought itself and try to let it go (but not try too hard!).

I use the Headspace app, which is awesome, but there are plenty of free resources too. I light a candle as a ritual, which means nothing to me in itself but helps me get in the mindset, so to speak. I have a little bench thingy that I can sit on, and simply seeing it in my room can 'trigger' me to use it.

As a 'thinking' type of guy, I also currently devour books on the topics of (zen) buddhism and meditation/mindfulness in general, because, well, my cognitive side needs some tickling too to keep at it. But the actual practice of sitting has been the most important part.

I can recommend the following stuff, in no particular order:

- books by Alan Watts, in particular 'The Book on the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are' as well as 'The Wisdom of Insecurity' - The Suzuki's: Shunryu Suzuki for practice and 'contemplation', and D.T. Suzuki one for the academic stuff) - Trying Not To Try, somewhat practical, mostly insightful, and just fun to read

And there's other stuff I can't think of right now.