As long as they still let you turn off Secure Boot, I don't see why you can't just put a BIOS CSM in your EFI system partition and load it before proceeding with business as usual.
mwfunk is making the incredibly exclusionary statement that human beings should not (and that he does not) take pleasure in the pain and/or misfortune of others.
We can infer from this things like:
* mwfunk does not chuckle when a series of unfortunate and highly improbable events results in someone suffering very minor injury.
* mwfunk enjoys almost no comedy, because the vast majority of humor revolves around the retelling of stories where at least one of the participants has been harmed in some way, however minor.
* mwfunk does not feel any form of pleasure when a Bad Guy has gotten his comeuppance and is now being punished for the wrongs he inflicted on others.
It seems rather unlikely that these three points (and the hundreds more like them that could be inferred) all apply to mwfunk. The more likely explanation is that mwfunk is speaking from a rather high horse, and hopes that we groundlings can't hear when he chuckles at a rather good joke in a stand-up skit.