[vinceguidry]

I don't understand the point he makes about forced discretionary spending. I have never bought a round of drinks at a bar, except in foreign countries where a round cost me less than $5. I don't ever feel like there's discretionary spending I'm forced to take. I either can afford it or I can't, and if I can't, I don't buy it and I don't feel guilty about it.

I buy other's drinks all the time. Never a whole round. That's ridiculous. Why he felt obligated to do that was left unsaid, but I doubt his reasons would convince me that he was actually forced to do that.

More generally, as you rise up the social ranks, you have to get more and more comfortable with gross differences in wealth and learn to be able to be comfortable with and accommodate socially those with so much more or so much less than you. This guy never seemed to learn that trick.

Were I buying a round of drinks and everyone else got $5 drinks and this one guy wanted a $20 drink, I'd have been like, "Ooh dude, can't really swing that, mind getting something cheaper?" If he does mind, just don't buy his drink. He's not going to get mad if you can't afford to buy him a drink.

Buying rounds at all, though, that's just insane if you need to keep a strict budget. It smacks of irresponsibility. If people are taking turns buying rounds, just opt out and pay for what you drink.

[iphoneseventeen]

"More generally, as you rise up the social ranks, you have to get more and more comfortable with gross differences in wealth and learn to be able to be comfortable with and accommodate socially those with so much more or so much less than you. This guy never seemed to learn that trick."

I am struggling with this as my income increases. My friends are looking at me like I am Bill Gates. Any advice?

[vinceguidry]

Talk frank about money with them, and build up good boundaries. If you need help learning how to say no, go hang out at a daycare sometime. There's a difference between being well-off and being loaded, loaded people can comfortably pay for the whole group's tab, the merely well-off can just buy his and his date's.

The main thing to keep in mind is to not take it personally. Also try to be more generous than you're used to being. It is a good thing to spread your wealth around, so long as you can keep it within the bounds of reason. It makes your life better in more ways than you can keep track of.

Another thing you might do is playfully adopt the alpha role. If they ask you to buy another round, you could sit back and be like, "sorry boys, daddy's all out of money, maybe you kids could go make your own," and have a good laugh about it.