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by xpinguin 3826 days ago
Does one deemed to be always percepted as an underdog, if he intentionally avoids any eye contact?

For example, even a glimpse into the interlocutor's eye while having a conversation (esp. a constructive/technical one) completely shatters my thought process, feels like my mental resources are drained towards some unconscious "computation". Almost the same effect with the facial features alone, yet not that strong. As a result, when I interact with someone, I do not look at that person, even when handshaking, just unconsciously focus on some static object: cup of coffee, crack on the wall, etc.

People who stoutly seeks an eye contact, despite all the avoidance, literaly derange me. Blood is just freaking boils in my veins, like I am going to punish it in its weasel face right now (never happend though, just state of mind). On contrary, I have no such problem with babies (hard to estimate, but probably up to age of 6 or sth like that) or domestic animals.

Has anyone encountered something like that? Do you consider that a problem? As for me, I feel that such trait constrains my ability to effectively (eg. being treated as an equal) engage in communication in non-technical social environments.

2 comments

It probably does; you really should work on that. (I say that as a fellow introvert.) Eye contact is one of those things where moderation is definitely key; too little and people think you're shifty or withdrawn, too much and they think you're a psychopath or something. A good amount shows confidence, but too much is intimidating. The way you act is going to severely limit your ability to socialize and get good employment, a girlfriend, etc.

As for animals and babies, that makes perfect sense too: those things aren't usually a threat to you in any way, either physically or socially, except maybe for large and aggressive dogs in which case strong eye contact is useful because it shows the dog that you're the "alpha dog".

While avoiding eye contact can be because of many things, it might we worth looking into this autism test: http://psychcentral.com/quizzes/autism-quiz.htm, and if you score sufficiently high and if it's available to you, to make an appointment with a psychologist.

It's not so much that a potential diagnosis solves your problems, but it can provide valuable insights (and some help as well).