[mycroft-holmes]

I'd say you're absolutely correct. I laugh when I see feminist friends of mine who complain about "creepy" guys approaching them at coffee shops and days later they'll talk about how they hate being single and want to meet someone.

[erkkie]

Those are not mutually exclusive things though, presumably they want to be approached by non-creepy guys (ie ones they happen to like, by whatever measure).

I guess this is just how the human mating game goes. We try to make some things make sense intellectually even though there's probably deeper subconscious and chemical messaging going on.

[Lawtonfogle]

It would be nice if they were a bit more honest and switched creepy/non-creepy with unattractive/attractive.

[erkkie]

Humanity would be more nice if everyone would be more honest :)

Everyone has a bunch of biases they're more or (mostly) less aware of, thus https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Predictably_Irrational

[SolaceQuantum]

I'll be honest I'm usually in a coffee shop to study and read and think to myself or with a friend. I'd be creeped out if a total stranger got in my space to flirt with me out of nowhere. Some people need to have time to mentally prepare for certain types of social interaction.

[CaptSpify]

I'm the same way with you, but that's also why I don't go to coffee shops to study/think. I'm simplifying and assuming a lot here, but: Why would you go out to a place like that for "alone time"?

[Tycho]

I kind of like the background noise for some reason. It wouldn't surprise me if our brains evolved to be most relaxedness and free from other worries when surrounded by other humans, making it a good setting for doing some studying or whatever.

[CaptSpify]

I can see that. I personally prefer music, but I've definitely heard of people turning on the tv for "background chatter" when they live alone.

My point is though: By putting yourself in a public setting, you are more likely to be approached. I don't want to say "asking to be approached", but I'm not sure how else to articulate my thought |:)

I wouldn't be shocked if a stranger approached me in a coffee-shop. I would be if they approached me in my home!

[SolaceQuantum]

Here's the thing, I shouldn't expect to be met with other people's rudeness. That's not my fault. They are the ones that are rude. The exact attitude you're displaying is exactly what you are struggling to avoid saying.

I'm not shocked if a stranger approaches me; I consider them unable to recognize the social situation and they are being rude. I also grew up in the city, where the socially polite thing to do in most public situations is to leave people alone.

I go to coffee shops because I like the laid back atmosphere of many of them. I also like the smell of coffee and people watching.

[aaronem]

"Creepy" is shorthand, which most men are at a disadvantage in understanding on account of not having spent a lifetime analyzing men as potential mates. (And now you know why the "gay friend" trope exists: as a bridge between the worlds.) In this case, "creepy" probably has a lot to do with anyone dense enough to try a cold sell in a coffee shop being unlikely in the extreme to make a worthwhile partner even if humored.

[theinternetman]

It's creepy when it's someone undesirable.