[jzymbaluk]

I'm in this boat right now as a 22 year old junior in college. I honestly don't have anyone I can call to just chill. I go to movies alone, I eat at restaurants alone, I go to concerts alone, most things I do I do alone. It makes me sad to think that this point in my life is supposed to be a high water mark for having a social life, and I shudder to imagine how much lonelier things are going to be after college graduation.

For the most part I've made peace with loneliness and being by myself to the point that it's not crushing, but the emptiness of not having anyone close is always there. I think the problem - or at least my problem - isn't necessarily a lack of basic social or people skills, but an inability to escalate from casual acquaintance to close friend.

Sorry for the stream of consciousness post. I guess I just wanted to say that I relate to this article, and I don't know how to fix myself.

[pascalmemories]

You're still young at 22 and it's [i.e. having difficulty making /real/ friends] not nearly as unusual or bad as your posting suggests you think and feel.

Looking at facebook and seeing people with hundreds of so-called friends will give the wrong impression. Of those hundreds, nearly all will have no interest in the ups or downs of life. A "like" to some bullshit picture of your dinner or of drunken vomiting on your SUV hood is not friendship, but for lots of people, they think it is.

I've been acquainted with hundreds of people, even being close and going out to bat for them. But, with literally 2 or 3 exceptions, not one person has ever stuck around and shown what I'd call true friendship. As soon as things got tough and I could have done with some support, they were gone - stopped answering phone calls or emails, type of gone. Talk about being kicked when down.

But, looking around, I saw that this was not me being singled out for shitty treatment. It was actually pretty common and even normal. And it makes it really difficult for people going through tough times; I've known people who were plunged into despair and depression at being abandoned and even shunned by people they trusted.

Despite it not being trendy (or, nowadays, politically correct), find out if there is a local church (or whatever equivalent matches your background) that seems sensible (shop around and avoid fringe extremes!) and has some social events. You may not find people who will become lifelong friends (almost certainly not) and you may even disagree with their views on many things, but if you shop around, you should find somewhere you at least feel welcomed and supported in a way that you appear to need just now.

I don't think you need fixed. A little bit more life experience and perspective that you're not so different after all will help.

[hendzen]

I've had multiple phases of my life where I've done most things alone. Months where I've gone eating almost every meal alone. Multi-day periods where I didn't have a conversation with another person. Honestly, there were times I felt bad about it, but most of the time I was alone - but not lonely.

Currently I have a pretty active social life - I rarely eat alone, I have a wide circle of friends and date fairly actively (I am still single though :/). I think the best way to break out is to make a habit of trying to do things you haven't done before. Whether it's some athletic pursuit (tennis, rock climbing, etc.) or maybe getting involved in your community (volunteering, religious groups), modern society offers plenty of venues for meeting people. You say you're in college so for you it might be as simple as joining a club.

Now even though I have ample opportunity to be around other people, I still choose to be alone some times. After a day spent with a group I usually need an hour or so alone to "recharge" - I guess I'm just naturally introverted.

Finally, allow me quote the following poem by Walt Whitman.

  To You.

  STRANGER! if you, passing, meet me, and desire to speak to me, 
  why should you not speak to me?	 
  
  And why should I not speak to you?

[jzymbaluk]

That poem is beautiful. Thanks for sharing.

[knughit]

People like to slag religious groups, but they really are a great place to meet friends. Anti-religious intellectuals tend to throw baby out with bathwater

[jqm]

It's like bars I think. Depends on what kind of people you are comfortable hanging out with. Most of the time I'd rather be by myself than hang around drunks.