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I know you said 'no stock market' but it really could be a great move for you. I perfer stocks that pay a dividend because even if the market moves downward you're still throwing off cash every quarter. AT&T pays a nice dividend, so do Verizon and DT because of their long term phone contracts. Other good choices are Kraft and Johnson & Johnson, these are consumer staples that aren't going anywhere and that will pay you to own their stock whether it goes up or down in price.

It's not a '2 year high return' but like some of the other commenters have said, you're not going to find that.

Congrats on the app store success, I'd love to pick your brain. I'm currently working on some games for the app store , what type of apps have your written?