Interpersonal skills vs. coding chops

[bigquestion]

I'm pretty frustrated in life right now. I'm at a stage of life - end of college - which should be my prime years for socializing and learning valuable interpersonal skills. But they are also the prime years for gaining coding chops, contributing to open source to get some experience, and so on.

I feel like I'm caught in a catch-22 situation - if I spend all my time coding, then my desire to interact with others (and others' desires to interact with me) decreases - because I become boring due to spending time only in my own skill development. This will have negative consequences - I miss out on opportunities cause nobody is an island. I also have emotional anxiety which impacts my productivity. But if I spend time trying to socialize/trying to make plans/have a few easy-going days, then my skill stagnates and I feel that I'm losing sight of my endgoal (to be a better programmer). Then there will be no use of my network because I won't have the capacity to create anything significant.

To clarify more, my drive to be a better programmer is because I want to have enough skill to create a hugely valuable and profitable startup. I think I've got enough skills to get a decent-good programming job(so I don't need to code 8-10 hours a day for just that) BUT obviously I want to exceed expectations, and win at life. My definition of winning at life is make genuine friendships, make a boatload of money, and not need to work in a conventional company/career.

So, all the above means I want to code 24x7 to be as technically proficient as possible. But spending all that time coding would leave me a boring and lonely guy I think. How do people balance their skill with their time? How do I become smarter and more efficient than I am now, while also becoming more of a fun and attractive personality to hang around with?

[syed123]

The skill here is to flow in waves -start with socializing completely for days/weeks where you get to warmup, practice, improve your skills etc then get back to coding- again warmup,get fully into coding - while also simultaneously reflecting on the socializing you did, internalizing what you learnt, measuring your performance etc.. repeat the cycle by cutting down the time you spend in this cycle..this way you will reach a day where you can find a healthy balance and ability to switch on/off whenever you want.

[throwaway_ghj]

Balance. Take the long term view.

Your skills don't stagnate because you have the weekends off coding. No one is a 100% efficient human being [the word for that is robot].

My advice would be to set a baseline of working hard during work hours, but also develop habits and routines outside of work hours where you actually attend to the other things you want to do (exercise, hobbies, and socialising).

With that basic balance and limits in place, then you add a little bit more of the thing you want to excel at (in your case coding). By a little bit, I mean maybe an extra hour or two per day, if you have the time and energy.

Your big achievements will probably come from chipping away a little bit each day, and making whatever you work on a little bit better each time you work on it. Not from busting a gut when you are 23 and burning out by 25 [ignore my assumptions about your specific age].

PS, working for a conventional company can be very satisfying, you might just need to try a few different ones until something clicks into place.

[chrisrickard]

My 2 cents: Work hard and play hard.

I run a company, but after work a few nights a week I will code for fun, or go out with friends to eat/drink/chat.

I think if in the future you want to "create a hugely valuable and profitable startup" then being a better programmer will certainly help, but the interpersonal skills will also be huge.

Leading a team, steering direction without conflict, managing conflicting interests - you learn these skills in life, not on a keyboard.

PS - why not start a hobby project that encourages you to socialize - an app that reminds you to connect with your friends & suggests common activities :)

[colund]

I think you shouldn't worry too much. I think regardless of your success in coding vs real life fun you'll end up happy if you follow your heart.

Now when you have time to learn, grab the opportunity. Later in life you might spend most of your time talking to colleagues and clients and taking care of your family.

[edimaudo]

You should balance both but coding is not all about writing code, you will have to work with people and requirements, being able to interact with people and also be fun is a trait you need in today's economy.

[chrisrickard]

..also perhaps make this an "Ask HN"