| The eagerness with which people recommend those very intense ten day retreats to anyone saying they'd like to start meditating indicates a problem, in my view. Plenty of people find them valuable, but they're also a pretty extreme way to start out. To me it seems likely to turn people off; after all they're designed to be a kind of boot camp experience. And then on the internet people are often bringing up how they sit in lotus posture for an hour every day... People can discuss whatever they want and make whatever suggestions they want, of course, but I think it's all likely to construe meditation as necessarily tedious, painful, and time-consuming. I'm curious, have you tried maintaining a habit of sitting for something like 10 or 5 minutes per day? In some non-contorted posture, like kneeling on a meditation bench? Not to imply that "everyone should be able to do that" or whatever, but if all your attempts for years have been ambitious, that could be demotivating... whereas kneeling and breathing for 5 minutes is a great way to get started. |
That said, I can't plead ignorance, just overconfidence. Since the retreat, I have lasted no longer than fifteen minutes at a time. I prefer lying down (I'm not tempted to sleep). It actually feels like I'm a worse meditator now than I was before the retreat, though I've been assured that this is a "sign of progress."
Truthfully, after maybe 140 hours of practice, I have doubts about the purported benefits. The ultimate aim, the end of suffering, seems like an impossible and likely undesirable goal. For now, I use it as needed to clear my mind when I need to focus.