[Allegrippus]

Due to ever increasing development, squirrels can no longer travel the nation by jumping between successive trees as their ancestors once did. Today it involves much more work and danger: crawling down, scampering across open ground, climbing back up, running the wires, and dealing with those high voltage pole pigs. Actually, squirrels have been mad as hell at us for many years now. Thus far they haven't overtaken us because (a) we've appeased them somewhat by tossing them peanuts and filling bird feeders with sunflower seed, and (b) they haven't quite mastered the "opposable thumb" thing just yet. But they are known for adaptability and persistence, and there are reports they are making major advances with (b) by secretly observing our finesse at eating chicken wings at outdoor picnics and festivals. Really, it's only a matter of who gets there first: squirrels and thumbs, dogs and doorknobs, cows and upright walking, or cats figuring out the internet backbone. We'll soon be paying homage to our new overlords, and they won't even be from an alien planet.