[notjoedimaggio]

You may want to grow thicker skin. People joke about all kinds of inappropriate things in private. It's often a bonding experience. If I were to tell you something that I don't necessarily mean, but would harm my reputation if it were to get out, it's a form of a secret. If you reciprocate, often we would feel closer.

There are a lot of reasons to get upset in this world, and a lot of things to get upset at. If this is something sensitive to you for personal reasons, I get it. Otherwise, you should probably just accept that people aren't going to always conform to your view of perfection.

I joke all the time with my family and friends that I'll kill them if they ever repeat something I say in confidence. It's tongue in cheek, an obvious over-exaggeration, and often used for humor.

[mentat]

That's what bullies always say "grow a thicker skin". How about trying to be kind to others, or is that just not interesting?

[notjoedimaggio]

IME, bullies actually say "stop hitting yourself". School administrators and parents of bullies (authority figures who could step in to stop bullying) are the ones who say to grow a thicker skin.

There's certainly nothing wrong with trying to be kind. however, this is an interesting issue because I see the desire to force other people to conform to your beliefs a form of bullying.

I suppose it depends on where you place the responsibility of offense. Should everyone be (socially) required to consider the feelings of everyone around them before they say anything? Or should people learn to accept that others won't have their same experiences and values, and in that sense, "grow a thicker skin"?

Put more succinctly, is offense given, or is it taken?

[plonh]

If it made the front page of Hacker News, it wasn't a "private" joke.