[afs35mm]

I was like this, to an extent, as well in my early twenties. What I realized was that I _didn't_ want to be like this, and like anything - it takes practice.

I consider myself smarter than the average Joe off the street, and you do too. Otherwise you wouldn't be reading HN :) So social cues, reading a crowd, and being engaging, it all takes practice. Yes, some people develop this naturally and don't need to consciously practice, but others don't. So just like programming, stop saying "No, I just don't get it", and instead reason why you don't and next time nail it.

[MattGrommes]

I had a life-changing moment at 12 or so when I saw a local "human interest" TV show about a kid who had trouble reading body language so he decided to manually figure out body language and social queues, just like you describe. As I saw this I thought to myself "You can do that?!" and set out trying to train myself. It's definitely possible if you put your mind to it.

[tsomctl]

Two books that also help:

How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Carnegie

The Definitive Book of Body Language, by Pease

Those two books basically cover verbal and nonverbal communication.