The template sounds very passive-aggressive, and the excessive length of the template makes the receiver feel like the freelancer has something to hide.
nxb, that's an interesting take on the matter. Which specific language seems passive-aggressive to you?
Also, how are you defining "excessive" with regards to length? it's 4 paragraphs:
Paragraph 1) Thanks!
Paragraph 2) But no thanks!
Paragraph 3) Here are some alternatives!
Paragraph 4) Let me know how it goes!
Which of those paragraphs do you feel should be cut?
Also, can you walk me through the mental connect-the-dots you used to conclude that "excessive length" = "something to hide"? I find your conclusion fascinating, mostly because I don't understand its underpinnings.
You have to realize that it's not about what's going on in your mind. The receiver can't possibly read your mind to know your intentions behind the words. But they will likely know that people who typically use these techniques are easy to see through.
> Second, after our consultation and looking over the specifics of your situation with my team
Sounds like you're calling out the specifics of his project as being problematic. This vague yet specific line is going to attract questions and / or arguments.
> it looks like we're probably not a good fit for your project."
= The "it's not you, it's me" method. A very obvious and overused way of saying that you don't like something, but you'll pretend that there's something wrong with you. Even young children can see through this attempt at controlling emotions.
Regarding the length, it's extremely common for people to interpret long excuses for avoiding something as deceitful, even if that's not truly the case. It's a well known phenomenon. "Signs of Lying: Offering multiple excuses for a situation, instead of just one". One of many sources: https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/encyclopedia/content.aspx?Con...
> All that said, don't hesitate to keep in touch. Your project has a lot of merit, and sounds like it will be real winner with the right team behind it. I'm looking to hearing about your eventual launch!
Anyone who's frequently dealt with proposals and rejections knows that this is a meaningless gesture. E.g. lesser VCs use this "keep in touch" line all the time. After hearing the 10th person say it, who you know couldn't care less about your project, it starts to feel extremely fake.
> Instead, I recommend you talk to one of these local firms:
This part is a nice gesture though. The only part that I'd use from the template.
> I know it's hard to know who to turn to with such an important project, and I appreciate your show of trust.
Perhaps the client had no hesitation at all in sharing his plans with freelancers. Now suddenly you're telling him that he should be concerned and that freelancers as a class are untrustworthy? Even if true, maybe not a good thing to be pointing out to the client.
Wow, that's great, thanks for spelling out your thought process.
Granted, I disagree with virtually all of it, but I really do appreciate that a) you HAD a thought process behind your comments, and b) you shared it so clearly.
> All that said, don't hesitate to keep in touch. Your project has a lot of merit, and sounds like it will be real winner with the right team behind it. I'm looking to hearing about your eventual launch!
Anyone who's frequently dealt with proposals and rejections knows that this is a meaningless gesture. E.g. lesser VCs use this "keep in touch" line all the time. After hearing the 10th person say it, who you know couldn't care less about your project, it starts to feel extremely fake.
You learn if it is a meaningless gesture by how the follow up goes down, not based on "all the other people who said it were full of crap." This is a problem genuine people run into. The only antidote is to say what you mean and mean what you say, not avoid saying what you mean for fear that people who got burned in the past will hear a polite fuck off.
It's worth noting that there have been plenty of cases where the rejected client did keep in touch, and we did end up working together later.
It's not the norm - usually they just go away and that's that. But I do like hearing that people made their project work somewhere, with some consulting firm, even if it's not mine.
gk1, that's more or less what I was shooting for when I wrote and refined it. I'm glad you see it that way! At the same time, I wonder if nxb has tuned in to some tone-deafness that I can't see in the text.
That said, this template has worked like gangbusters. People have even gone away and come back later, having cleaned up their act, and ended up working with me.
You're right, a moody client could. That said, I don't live my life or run my business walking on eggshells, concerned with what the moody might do or say or think. I don't recommend anyone else do so, either.
When I craft interactions, I do so using a "reasonable client" standard, not a "moody client" standard. I can bear no responsibility for whatever negative interpretation a moody client may choose to assign to my words.
My responsibility as a professional is to communicate in a clean, honest, and not-tone-deaf manner. Now, if I fail on any of those three points, that's on me, for certain. And when I deliver a piece of communication that comes up "green lights" on those three points, it's on the recipient if they have a negative emotional reaction.
Also, how are you defining "excessive" with regards to length? it's 4 paragraphs:
Paragraph 1) Thanks! Paragraph 2) But no thanks! Paragraph 3) Here are some alternatives! Paragraph 4) Let me know how it goes!
Which of those paragraphs do you feel should be cut?
Also, can you walk me through the mental connect-the-dots you used to conclude that "excessive length" = "something to hide"? I find your conclusion fascinating, mostly because I don't understand its underpinnings.